Don't get too close to me - you'll wish your Mama never had you.

Evidently this evening I'm a wee bit cranky (Schmoe, be thankful you are working tonight. <3) and the end is nowhere in sight.

Today at work was bearable thank goodness, because it was just me and the new kid, and bailing was not an option. See my monthly issues are a bit more of a pain to deal with than what seems to be the average woman's ordeal. I keep telling myself that if giving birth ever becomes a reality in my life it will be like a picnic in the park just with sweltering heat and little pests everywhere, but a lovely, uneventful picnic lunch nonetheless. I must have a fantastic level of pain tolerance in order to be able to function when the bitch is in town. She always overstays her welcome and is known to hang around for a full seven days, and even sends her things a week ahead of time sending me in a mad dash for supplies and hard drugs and sends my fiance into hiding. When he has detected it is safe for him to come out, he tells me that two weeks out of the month are enjoyable for him -poor guy. Oh whatever, he still proposed to me.

So after work this evening I go to the store and I go about getting my usual groceries. I of course needed to make a stop into the feminine care aisle. I reach to grab a box of tampons when a male store clerk comes strutting down the aisle like Mr. GQ and asks me assuredly if he can assist me with anything obviously not taking note of where we were both standing. I gave him a blank stare as I held my box of tampons in mid-air, wondering if this guy was trying to be funny or completely out of his mind thinking he could possibly know more about women's feminine hygiene products than me. I swore I saw the colour drain from his face when he clued in and with a start looked at the O.B. box of buckshots in my hand, took one look at my face and bolted.
I didn't think so.
Well he made me forget about the pain for a moment.

I finally got what I needed and made my way to the register, and of course waited in line behind a guy with a fist full of coupons. It's probably my upbringing, but seeing a guy being so frugal with his groceries and taking enough time to cut out the rebates is really odd; I'm still not sure where I stand on that right now, you might want to ask me later.
By the time bizzo is finally rung through, cashier girl is working double time and has already started scanning my items through and before I can tune back into the real world after reading about Oprah's secret love-child with an Alien, it has come time for me to pay. Always wanting to be one step ahead, I go digging through my purse to find my wallet deep within; once located I try to find my debit card which is NOWHERE to be found. And now I am annoyed at myself. I am crampy, bitchy, flustered and now embarassed because I am holding up another customer who is heaving air and sighing so much that I cast my steely glaze their direction and the hint is taken. Cashier girl tells me to take my time, it's probably in my bag; she understands because she does it all the time. Well that annoyed me because I am really organized for the most part, this kind of shit doesn't happen to me, and I am not usually spacey and flighty but this bitch has been here almost a week and it's time for her to go cause she's wreaking havoc. Just to top it off, as I am tossing things out of my purse like Mary Poppins, I hear a familiar annoying voice at the end, "Can I assist you to your vehicle with your purchases?". I look up slowly to face none other than BuckShot boy from the Menstruation section.
"No. thank. you." I growled back in a tone that said "Can I help throw you into oncoming traffic?"
Finally I located the damn card, paid and got the hell out of there. Unfortunately with my period comes nausea, and it didn't help when 'Pee-Man' was there waiting at the bus-stop to get on. I seem to think this man suffered a brain injury of some sort in the past, because while not that old he is not completely altogether, as in a few pieces short of a puzzle, a jig-saw type. There are two smells that absolutely make me want to wretch and that is the smell of human urine ( most strong in the city when people pee on the exteriors of buildings) and cat piss. 'Pee-Man' unfortunately for all of us, smells like both; and today was particularly bad. I didn't know how bad right away, I just knew the moment that I saw him standing there picking his nose as if he was seeking the Holy Grail, that I would smell him and I might be sick. AMAZINGLY enough I held it together by covering my mouth and nose to avoid any asphyxiation and vomit inducing as well as turning off my hearing aids so I couldn't hear him clearing his noise by forcing the air out of his nostrils hoping to loosen up the walls.
Oh Lord help me.
Save me from this insanity.
Save this world from my insanity.

Menopause is looking real good these days.